When couples argue they usually try to decide who is right. Yet behind most arguments there is a hidden need: "notice me", "understand me".
Three steps of active listening
- Listen to the end without interrupting
- Repeat what you heard in your own words: "So you felt..."
- Ask before answering: "What do you need right now?"
Start with "I"
Saying "I felt hurt when..." instead of "You always..." keeps your partner from getting defensive.
If the same argument keeps coming back, couples counseling can help you understand why — together.
